People Are So Effing Nosey, Man.

As a preface to this post, I should mention that I’m having a pretty important meeting with the Deputy Director and Program Director of the organization I work with regarding a potential shift in duties here. After just weeks on the job, I was approached by the woman to whom I report about her need for someone to handle/take care of/oversee the operational aspects of her department.

She said, because of the current economy and the State’s new-found interest in justifying every single non-profit dollar spent, she needed to focus more on improving the content of the programming and less on running them. Most importantly, to me at least, she wanted to groom me to step into that role. Today is the day I “interview” for this position.

With that said, let’s talk about some nosey fucking people, man.

I walk into the office today looking a lil nicer than usual, not a suit, but a nice black v-neck sweater over a black button-up and plum tie with little black and white zebras on them (hey, I have a thing for J. Crew…sue me), some fresh grey slacks, and a good black driving loafer. I couldn’t even get my first cup of coffee before this chick (white girl that gives off Dundalk/who obviously gets too effing familiar with people she barely knows that works in the training department) comes into my workspace starting nonsense.

WG: Oooooooooo!! Look at you!! What are you all dressed up for? Hot date tonight?

Me: (visibly annoyed) Good Morning, -------- .

WG: Why are you all dressed up? Does your tie have cows on it? That looks expensive.

Me: Am I dressed-up or am I dressed to walk into a professional environment? These are zebras, not cows. I have site visits today. You know that.

[snipped to cut right to the chase]

WG: Sooooooooo, it has nothing to do with that meeting you have today with Linda and Jean?

Me: What? How did you know I had a meeting with Linda and Jean?

WG: Because I checked your (Outlook) calendar and it’s on there.

Me: Why?

WG: (realizes that she done fucked up) Ummmm, cus I wanted to see what time you were scheduled to come in today.

Me: I’m here every day by 9am. I’ve never NOT been here by 9am. You know I’m here by 9am…every day.

WG: I mean…I just…So, what’s the meeting about? You’re going out for the Ops position and you didn’t tell me?!? How much are they offering for that? What do you make now?

Me: That’s not really something I’m interested in talking about. I’ve got a ton of work before I leave the office this afternoon and I’m under a tight deadline for something for Margaret. I’ve gotta get started.

WG: (taken aback) Fine. Then, just tell me how much more is it than you make now?

Me: I’ve really got a lot of work to do .

Now…I usually don’t shed too negative a light on work-related stuff on here cus it can get you in trouble, but fuck it.

How dare she concern herself with my clothes and my money when she wears the same damn thing at least twice a week?!? There’s only so many ways you can style up that peach lace-lined cami with that black Cardigan and/or grey pullover, hon. Instead of focusing on my "expensive looking" purple J. Crew tie with zebras (that I actually got for free), you’d be best served by trying to sniff out some bargains of your own instead of sniffing out my labels.

And then how dare her be brazen enough to think we’re familiar enough to talk about money. I don’t discuss salaries and such with people. Period. If you offered me a million dollars to correctly guess how much my Ma or my sister make, I’d be shit out of luck.

Hell, my dearest friends and I don’t discuss each other’s money. Take Nia, my good, good Judy Dench, for example. Nia and I tell each other some shit we’d only trust to the most confident of confidants. We talk ad nausem about the freaky shit we do in our bedrooms (among other things), but we’ve NEVER talked salaries. It’s none of my business what she makes and vice-versa. It’s tacky to ask anyone about their salary.

Ugh! Talk about starting my day off on the wrong note.

It's a damn shame I have to say this at 10am, but...Hoe, sit down!

All Hail ObamALLAH!!!!!!!!

There are high hopes for big change when Barack Obama becomes president of the United States of America in about two months. The expectations for this man are approaching euphoria -- and deliria -- and that could set the stage for a big disappointment.

I’m sometimes amazed by people’s comments regarding this man: “Oh, I’m 7 months behind on my mortgage and am already into foreclosure, but it’s OK. Barack will take office soon. He’ll save me.”

No, ma’am, he won't save you. Although you may have gotten a chain email to the contrary, our President-elect doesn't walk on water or part red-colored seas.

Barack Obama will not save you from having to pay your bills. He will not absolve you from your delinquent Sprint bill, clear up your credit or make your baby daddy pay his child support on time. He won't clear up any outstanding warrants or make your kid perform better in math class. Having a black man as President does not mean you will no longer have to do jury duty or pay taxes. It just ain’t gonna happen. I’m just saying it so you’re prepared for the long haul.

Now, of course you'll have some people who oppose Mr. Obama's election (like our very own bitter and salty black Republican, Blaq-N-Mild) who will claim that my admonishment to all Americans is somehow tempering expectations for an inadaquate President-elect. That isn't the case at all.

Reality is, we've got huge problems in this country and no one is going to wave a magic wand and fix them in a matter of weeks or months. It's likely going to take several years, if, in fact, they're fixable.

Here's the question: Are expectations, particularly those of black people, too high for Barack Obama's presidency?

LOL @ McDonald's Peddling Chicken To Blacks In A Shitty Economy

You coloreds must be taking the bait though. Last week, McDonald's reported an 11-percent increase in profits in the third quarter.

I am not mad at them at all. The way I see it, you dance with the one who brought you to prom, or, perhaps, the wedding reception. As long as they don't start serving watermelon pies and transform all their drive-thrus into front porches, I'm good.

Ahh hell!!!! They stealing dicks in Africa now. I done heard it all.

This is an old story, but it's still gut, well, crotch-wrenching. Either way, I had never seen it before, so it's news to me.

A couple things to note after reading this mess:

#1 - If somebody ever thought about pondering even considering the very notion of stealing my dick, we'd have problems. I like my little guy too much to part ways with him now.

#2 - LOL @ these people for thinking someone can really put a hex on you and steal or shrink your dick.

#3 - Not that I really had much of a desire, but please smack me if I ever suggest vacationing in Africa.

Goodness gracious.

---

Lynchings in Congo as penis theft panic hits capital

Tue Apr 22, 2008
1:21pm EDT

By Joe Bavier

KINSHASA (Reuters) - Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur.

Rumors of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo's sprawling capital of some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.

Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure.

"You just have to be accused of that, and people come after you. We've had a number of attempted lynchings. ... You see them covered in marks after being beaten," Kinshasa's police chief, Jean-Dieudonne Oleko, told Reuters on Tuesday.

Police arrested the accused sorcerers and their victims in an effort to avoid the sort of bloodshed seen in Ghana a decade ago, when 12 suspected penis snatchers were beaten to death by angry mobs. The 27 men have since been released.

"I'm tempted to say it's one huge joke," Oleko said.

"But when you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it's become tiny or that they've become impotent. To that I tell them, 'How do you know if you haven't gone home and tried it'," he said.

Some Kinshasa residents accuse a separatist sect from nearby Bas-Congo province of being behind the witchcraft in revenge for a recent government crackdown on its members.

"It's real. Just yesterday here, there was a man who was a victim. We saw. What was left was tiny," said 29-year-old Alain Kalala, who sells phone credits near a Kinshasa police station.

(For full Reuters Africa coverage and to have your say on the top issues, visit: africa.reuters.com/ )

(Editing by Nick Tattersall and Mary Gabriel)

© Thomson Reuters 2008. All rights reserved.

Talk about a thong, th-thong, thong, thong...

Sisqo, of Dru Hill "fame".

I think times are tough in this economy and all, but...

You will NAWT have your wedding reception at McDonald's. Also disallowed is a wedding party with a color scheme matching the decor at said McDonald's. A hot mess.

SUPER TUESDAY IS COMING!!!!

OBEEZY FOR PRESIDEEZY
OBEEZY FOR PRESIDEEZY
OBEEZY FOR PRESIDEEZY
OBEEZY FOR PRESIDEEZY
OBEEZY FOR PRESIDEEZY
OBEEZY FOR PRESIDEEZY

This is just a friendly reminder. If you haven't already done so, please remember to vote on Tuesday, November 4th. Studies show (as indicated in the picture above) that voting for Barack Obama will improve your torso region and give you a six-pack. Ok, not really, but you should still go vote -- and vote for Barack Obama.

**The content of this message was crafted and approved
by Mr. Jones for the Barack Obama. Now, if only that negro would throw
some advertising coin my way, I'd really be happy.**

Movie Recommendation: Notes on a Scandal

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If you’re looking for a good film to Netflix or download or whatever, then I have just the thing for you. It’s a couple years old, but that doesn’t matter. It’s still good nonetheless.

Notes on a Scandal is a British film that did marginally well on the independent circuit here in the States. It was a much bigger success in the UK and Australia, but most Americans are too stupid and parochial to actually appreciate anything another country has to offer anyway. But, I disgress…

If you plan to watch this movie and are one of those people who are anal about being told anything that could remotely spoil the plot, then I suggest you stop reading this post now.

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The movie is a about this bitter, old lonely bitch named Barbara. She’s a tough cookie of a teacher at a comprehensive school in London and she’s hated by her colleagues and students alike. Now, other than teaching, Barb does ABSOLUTELY nothing other than write about herself in her journal, taking care of her old ass kitty cat and lament the loss of her “special” friend Jennifer.Well, Sheba joins the staff at the school as the new art teacher and Barbara dedicates her attention to the newcomer, writing mean, bitter shit about her behavior and clothes.

Barbara helps Sheba with an impossible situation with two students and Sheba, being the grateful new teacher she is, invites her to have lunch with her family. Barbara becomes close to Sheba, but when she accidentally discovers that Sheba is having an affair with a fifteen year-old student, Barbara sees the chance to manipulate and get closer to Sheba, hiding the secret from the school headmaster.

Barbara’s cat Portia dies and despite her pleas for company, Sheba does not stay with Barbara in the veterinary office instead electing to go see her son Ben in his first school play. Barb does NOT like this one bit and begins plotting her revenge against Sheba, which creates a scandal and turmoil in their lives.

Throughout the entire movie, I was on my seat not knowing what was going to happen next. There were several of twists and turns that had me saying…”damn, these hoes can not be serious.” Plus, I love the way the Britons talk and interact with each other. That kept me entertained.

Anywho…Notes on a Scandal. Go cop that shit, son.

Awwww....Poor Thing

Campaigning to become President of the United States has to be tougher and more arduous than anything anyone reading this has ever done. It’s a war of attrition out there. You spend two years stumping from state to state and hopping planes and buses for days and weeks at a time. That’s a really demanding thing to do.

Based on Senator John McCain’s recent gaffe, I think it’s safe to say the effects of this grueling process are now starting to rear their ugly little heads. Now, the easy thing to do here is to blame it on old age or his weary, feeble spirit. I’m not going to do that. I mean, who wouldn’t err by inadvertently calling the voters of Western Pennsylvania racist?

Some of you people expect too much from your presidential candidates. Geeze.

Anywhoo...I’m thankful -- for Sen. McCain’s own good -- that this thing is almost over for him. Soon he can head back to Arizona and rest his tired little soul.

Question of the Day

How soon is too soon to make a move on someone you're familiar enough with to know they just got out of a relationship?

By "make a move on", I mean try to fuck and by "familiar enough with", I mean you dated them for two years. I wanted to be sure to clarify in case there were questions. This situation leaves little room for grey area.

Thoughts?

Sen. McCain has no wig left to snatch, so Keith Olbermann just ripped him a new asshole.

I'm not a MSNBC fan, but I saw this and just got to post this. Keith Olbermann is clearly fed up with John McCain playing little reindeer games of late and is NOT having any more of his shinanigans.

The highlight of the clip, for me, had to be this line:

"Senator McCain, YOUR supporters at YOUR events are calling Obama a terrorist and a traitor and are calling for him to be killed. And yet, you keep bringing back these same rampant, right-wing nuts to deliberately stir these crowds into frenzy. Then, you take offense when someone who remembers the violence of our political past calls you on it. You, sir, are responsible for a phalanx of individuals who are shouting fire in a crowded theater.

There are some things to respect and honor about you, Senator McCain, but on this you are not only a fraud, sir, but you are tacitly inciting lunatics to violence."

Oooooooooo Weeeeeeeeee!!!! Olbermann betta use 'phalanx' and 'tacitly' in the same breath.

If McCain wasn't wearing Depends before, he better stop at CVS and pick up a pair cus Mr. Olbermann just gave him a new hole.

"Racism is still alive, they just be concealing it." (c) Kanye West

Sarah 'The Baracuda' Misquotes Madeleine Albright; Maddie Gets Palin Right The Hell Together

I always envisioned life as a Vice Presidential candidate being tough: Long nights at the office preparing for speeches on foreign policy and the economy, intense brainstorming sessions to develop rousing topics for the next rally, working intently to carefully craft key words and catch phrases that will best resonate with voters.

Then, Sarah Palin came along.

Apparently, when you're a mavericky hockey mom from Alaska who likes palin' around with pitbulls in lipstick and shootin' moose from helicopters, you only have drink Starbucks coffee and wink -- a lot.

At a rally in California on Saturday, Palin offered a most curious argument (and supporting quote) for voting Republican this Fall. The Governor's most recent gaffe comes as she recalled a moment she experienced while enjoying her morning cup: "I'm reading on my Starbucks mocha cup, okay? The quote of the day... It was Madeleine Albright, former Secretary of State [crowd boos] and UN ambassador.... Now she said it, I didn't. She said, 'There's a place in hell reserved for women who don't support other women.'"

Madeline Albright never said that though. The cup the Governor referenced (pictured above) actually reads, "There's a special place in hell for women who don't help each other." Maddie made the statement in a different context, intended a different connotation, and had different, non-political intent. In a statement to The Huffington Post, she let Ms. Baracuda have it:

"Though I am flattered that Governor Palin has chosen to cite me as a source of wisdom, what I said had nothing to do with politics. This is yet another example of McCain and Palin distorting the truth, and all the more reason to remember that this campaign is not about gender, it is about which candidate has an agenda that will improve the lives of all Americans, including women. The truth is, if you care about the status of women in our society and in our troubled economy, the best choice by far is Obama-Biden."

Ms. Albright may have tightened Palin's leash and reapplied her lipstick, but I'm not so sure the Alaska Governor should be dispatched so quickly. Maybe she's on to something. I mean, why shouldn't we damn people who refuse to do what we want them to do to hell?

In fact, I was so overcome with a bi-partisan spirit that I decided to compile my own list of people for whom special a special place in hell is reserved.

There's a special place in hell reserved for:

- Coworkers who don't make sure all their gunk is cleared from the toilet bowl before exiting the office bathroom.

- Stupid people who walk around with BlueTooth earpieces in even when they aren't talking.

- Women and/or men who wear UGG boots and Crocs (sorry Royce).

- Fools who talk on Nextel/Boost chirps loudly in public.

- Dumbass drivers who block the crosswalk with their cars at traffic lights.

- Delusional fat people who wear clothes that don't fit them properly.

- Each of my ex's who spited me.

I could go on, but I think you get my drift. Feel free to add on to this in you comments. The Governor would be proud.

Bill O'Reilly Is STILL A Damn Mess

Bill is at it again. This time it is Congressman Barney Frank who is on the receiving end of one of O'Reilly's infamous and ridiculous tirades. I really have no idea why people still continue to sign up as guests for The Factor.

As an aside, was I the only was slightly disappointed that Barney was the first guy in Congress to openly admit to being gay? I mean, the guy is such a caricature. We couldn't have gotten someone a little more cool and distinguished? Like, I dunno, Barack Obama. Maybe it's just me.

Anywho...here's the vid.

A Model Murderer?: Target Ad's Ray Armstrong Charged In Killing

Philadelphia-area model Ray Armstrong has been charged with murder. If you’re anything like me the name –- or his face for that matter –- doesn’t ring a bell, but I’d recognize those abs, pecs and arms anywhere. This is the cat that was recently featured in this Target print ad campaign that prominently hung above Times Square throughout this year’s Summer Olympics.

With all due respect to the dead, something about the back story just isn’t adding up to me. It just seems to be missing some key details.

According to this very curious article, the victim, 37-year old Anthony Williams, “photographed, befriended, helped and sometimes housed” the 31-year old model. Armstrong went to the victim’s house that fateful night because his girlfriend kicked him out and he needed a place to stay. Williams turned Armstrong away and told him he wouldn’t let him live there again. Witnesses reported that Armstrong, who was high out of his mind off a blunt dipped in formaldehyde, wasn’t trying to take no for an answer, became irate and started kicking in his own car windows.

This is where the story starts to get fishy.

After initially turning him away, the victim allowed Armstrong into the house to “snap his friend back to reality.” A few minutes went by and the wet and naked model re-emerged outside, laid down on the ground and prayed until a neighbor approached him. He admitted to the neighbor that he had killed Anthony Williams. The police were called and whisked him off to jail where he currently sits awaiting his prelim trial.

**takes off specs and prepares editorial**

This SCREAMED lover’s quarrel from the moment I read the headline. PLEASE get into the storyline:

Older man befriends young, attractive model who, for drama’s sake, also happens to abuse drugs. Older man looks after said model, allows him to live with him at times and photographs him on occasion. Young, attractive model has spat with girlfriend and turns to older man for comfort and a place to rest his head. Older man initially turns young model away, but invites him in for a cold shower to “snap him back to [a sober] reality”. After several minutes of shouting, the young model comes back outside dripping wet and naked, falls to the ground and admits to killing older man.

If that doesn’t have ‘LOGO Feature Presentation’ written all over it, then I don’t know what does.

I can't really say that I'd let even my closet friends into my home after seeing them high off more than weed and kicking in windshields and shit. I'd call for help, no doubt, but as far as me offering a cold shower in my bathroom...oh, no ma'am. Maybe that's just me. What I really want to know is if the victim turned Armstrong away because he tired of being a stop on the train back to Pussytown. I'm not sayin'...I'm just sayin'.

On a serious note, this is really unforunate. Obviously, it's sad that a life was lost, but Armstrong seemed like he was well on his way. He had signed with a major agency, he had the Target print ad thing going for him and he was also pushing an exercise DVD series. Now, he’s resigned to being fresh meat on the yard. The whole murderer thing aside, you have to feel a little sorry for the guy. We all know what they do to PYTs in the clink. For his own good, he betta not drop that soap.